It's Eid. The biggest festival for us. I stopped being thrilled about this festival long ago. But, still, when I was in my country I had to celebrate it. And it was more or less fun, after all it's the biggest festival. I left my country almost 3 years ago. Eid became different. But I never passed the whole day of Eid doing nothing even after leaving country. This time I didn't. I am trying to prove a point. I thought that I am having a lot fun in USA. I was going to different places and hanging out with different people. But at this point, I understand that I totally depend on other people to have fun. If other people schedule anything and decide to invite me, I might have fun. I can't just have them hang out with me by myself.
There are few things I realized today. I am trying really hard to be someone that I am not. I am trying to have friends and escape loneliness. What's the point? Why am I afraid of loneliness? I passed a long time alone and I am always fighting against it. A man can't fight battles against everything. I have other battles to fight. Fighting against loneliness is taking away a substantial amount of energy from me. So, I decided not to fight the battle anymore. I am going to accept loneliness.
There are reasons why I am living thousands of miles away from my friends and family. I need to achieve something. I don't have any scope for putting extra effort to achieve something that's not necessary. I am good on my own. I was caring way too much about myself. That was not the goal. I am distracted. I am gonna let me be lonely, let me have the pain thinking about a girl and not gonna try any more to do something about these. In stead, it's time to put more focus on what actually my reason is behind taking so many risks on life. That's what I am gonna do. God help me. . .
There are few things I realized today. I am trying really hard to be someone that I am not. I am trying to have friends and escape loneliness. What's the point? Why am I afraid of loneliness? I passed a long time alone and I am always fighting against it. A man can't fight battles against everything. I have other battles to fight. Fighting against loneliness is taking away a substantial amount of energy from me. So, I decided not to fight the battle anymore. I am going to accept loneliness.
There are reasons why I am living thousands of miles away from my friends and family. I need to achieve something. I don't have any scope for putting extra effort to achieve something that's not necessary. I am good on my own. I was caring way too much about myself. That was not the goal. I am distracted. I am gonna let me be lonely, let me have the pain thinking about a girl and not gonna try any more to do something about these. In stead, it's time to put more focus on what actually my reason is behind taking so many risks on life. That's what I am gonna do. God help me. . .
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