Today I saw her after a long time, almost after more than a month. She is so beautiful. She has the most beautiful heart. I could live my entire life just looking at her eyes. Well, I should explain what I am talking about.
It was almost 2 months ago when I first saw her. I am a kind of guy who never was into relationship stuff. Although I had a relationship before, I kind of didn't have an option to stay away from being in the relationship. I never fell for a girl ever in my life. I never had any crushes. I still do think that crushes are stupid, nothing but infatuation. I thought that I have built a shield against this type of feelings. So, I was never worried that I'll have these feelings. So, when I first saw her I wasn't prepared for the fact that my world is going to change within next few moments. I just saw her and something very unusual happened to me. Unusual because nothing like that ever happened to me before. I saw her and in that first instant I just thought that I can live my entire life with her. It was a feeling that I never experienced. It was different. It was happy and sad at the same moment. But I had nothing to do. I was so helpless. Because she is an American and I am a foreigner. The only time ever in my life I felt like that and I can't even let her know ever how I feel about her. We are so different in many ways. But still, I couldn't control my feelings. I don't see her even once a week. Still I am madly in love with her. I ask myself what I am doing. It's stupid. I tried to forget her. Because I can't allow myself to have these feelings, I have a lot of other problems to take care of. But I couldn't forget her, not even for a moment. I think about her all the time. So, I continued to do what I should do to solve other problems having her thought in my mind. It's hard and it really hurts. The thing that I don't like is being in a helpless condition. I have always had problems in my entire life and I always could fight against all those problems. But this time, I have nothing to do other than to accept the pain. I won't try to let this pain to be in the way of my goal. But, still, it hurts so bad.
I know that I can't have her in my life. I just want her to be smiling all the time. I want her to find absolute happiness. Because a girl like her doesn't deserve any pain.
It was almost 2 months ago when I first saw her. I am a kind of guy who never was into relationship stuff. Although I had a relationship before, I kind of didn't have an option to stay away from being in the relationship. I never fell for a girl ever in my life. I never had any crushes. I still do think that crushes are stupid, nothing but infatuation. I thought that I have built a shield against this type of feelings. So, I was never worried that I'll have these feelings. So, when I first saw her I wasn't prepared for the fact that my world is going to change within next few moments. I just saw her and something very unusual happened to me. Unusual because nothing like that ever happened to me before. I saw her and in that first instant I just thought that I can live my entire life with her. It was a feeling that I never experienced. It was different. It was happy and sad at the same moment. But I had nothing to do. I was so helpless. Because she is an American and I am a foreigner. The only time ever in my life I felt like that and I can't even let her know ever how I feel about her. We are so different in many ways. But still, I couldn't control my feelings. I don't see her even once a week. Still I am madly in love with her. I ask myself what I am doing. It's stupid. I tried to forget her. Because I can't allow myself to have these feelings, I have a lot of other problems to take care of. But I couldn't forget her, not even for a moment. I think about her all the time. So, I continued to do what I should do to solve other problems having her thought in my mind. It's hard and it really hurts. The thing that I don't like is being in a helpless condition. I have always had problems in my entire life and I always could fight against all those problems. But this time, I have nothing to do other than to accept the pain. I won't try to let this pain to be in the way of my goal. But, still, it hurts so bad.
I know that I can't have her in my life. I just want her to be smiling all the time. I want her to find absolute happiness. Because a girl like her doesn't deserve any pain.
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